Water bottle :'^(((

i keep hearing some kinda squeeking? Like somebody is on a swing or smtg. but its been going on for like an hour. Driving me nuts ngl...ok 2h later it stopped thank god.

For awhile now ive been making an "irrational list" a list of thoughts, fears, things i do or wanna do but i know are... irrational. Some make no sense. Maybe i should add it to my About me page.

I kept falling asleep n seeing a tiger, forcefully waking myself up... falling asleep again n seeing a tiger...
I had multiple such ocasions where i forcefully woke myself up bc i was scared... why nightmare, wtf is stressing me out now???? the sumup??? 

Found cool song, Been listening to it on repeat lol

For a long time i had trouble with branding and my art identity, I kept tryna incorporate this art style into my business? Just to show ppl "i can draw liike this too and im rly proud of it!" but time n time again i find that i have a hard time with it. Making it look good as merch i like and then it also dont sell.
Ive "come to terms" that it would never rly work out, so its just and art style i keep to myself... not on purpose! Just if you only have so much energy, you need to keep in mind what to spend it on. In short i just havent really had time for it, except the occasional sketch in my sketchbook. Idk why but i had it in my head that the chibi style i draw in is "lesser" then the other and so my brand would be seen as worse?
I will say since ive been embracing it fully ive been enjoying it alot more (the chibi style). I dont rly try to match them to eachother, sometimes ill add shadows, sometimes ill use a more sketchy aproach ect but overall they dont seem out of place. 

I dreamt i found a lil tuxedo kitten. Looked like a used tissue, he hated everybody except me. So i took care of him. I called him Water bottle or Otto for short. He had white feet and pretty much clung to me. When i went to bed he slept on or near me. He din wan be pat by anybody else n would hiss if ppl came to close. Idk what lead to it but i got kidnapped, Water bottle tried to run after me but was stopped by an open bridge. He was pretty much howl-meowing. I had to do rly weird tasks? I barely remember them. But then a guy helped me escape. After like months i made it to a place where other ppl went who also got saved? A lady there said they found a cat in a pretty bad state but they couldnt help it bc it was dangerous. So i ask if i could help, she warned me but i rly wanted to incase it was my cat. When tgey open the door and i tell tge cat im here to help them. And out of a cattree crawls Water bottle rly weakly. So i cry and pick him up bc im so happy to see him again. It then time skips??? Water bottle is now HUGE, like lion size. And im like a captain for this organisation now? I have a friend whos thw guy that helped me escape. Outa nowhere somebody let me know that not only is Water bottle a girl but shes also pregnant. Alot of ppl wanted to cage her up?? N im like pls he (i kept reffering to Otto as he) will get violent. N a lady said thats exactly why they wanted him caged up. I was rly sad but agreed hoping it would keep him save. It took like a whole army to get him in a cage. I kept by his side. When the lil kittens where born i went in the cage and Water bottle was happy to b pat again. Ppl let me know that since Water bottle isnt a cat the kittens wont b either. So Water bottle must b released in the wild w his kittens to raise them. I was devestated but agreed bc i wanted the best for him. We released them in some jugnle? I hugged him one last time and left in a helicopter. I saw Water bottle was rly confused and tried to run after it. That night i went to bed with no Water bottle and cried alot... and then i woke up. Did NOT enjoy that, THAT WAS MY BABY HE DIN DESERVE THAT NOOOOOOOO

I fell asleep again and also dreamt Gran was pissing me tf off while we where trying to grocery shop LMAO

Can Pierce die in his sleep already... pls

For the past couple of weeks ive been looking at the weather app religiously, hoping it will drop down and actually stay down. It got to like 30 with 23 in sight but then back up to 28 on sunday. Been using my ice pack alot, rly happy with them. Been drinking alot of water (to woever is reading, go drink some water rn please)

Yall it just now hit me... Monét X Change... Money Exchange. I feel embarrassed LMAO. Whenever i read her name i just kinda thought of the painter... I made the realization bc i said the painters name out loud. 

I wanna apply for webrings... the only thing holding me back is wanting a button first. Alot of webrings ask it (tho its not needed) and i feel like it would just be a bigger hassle if i apply w/o one and them ask to add one. hm hm hm

A new hyperfixation is slowly creeping up... im trying my darnest best to keep it at bay... Beaded banners/curtains... they looks so cute and seem fairly easy to make!

Man??? Idk how but i managed to scratch myself in my sleep again?? 

I have 2 sleeping playlists i switch betwedn n sometines i put on other playlists too. My main has no lyrics, my second mostly does. In my second i have this song Breathe (in the Air) from Pink Floyd n the first few seconds always confuses the hell outa me lmao

Ive been watchimg Comminity whenever i eat. Its a bit dated but i still think its charming n i like a good chunk of the characters (not pierce, hes creepy n a weirdo in a bad way) just bit weird to me that Troy is Childish Gambino. I think my fav character is Abed... i just relate alot to him. Reasen i watch these kinda shows is bc theyre like 25mins long, i can leave mid epusode n cone back w/o needing to remember major plot lines n i find it entertaining. Idk why it feels like enjoying these types of media feel "wrong" for me. Lije its only a guity pleasure... maybe brain think "dont wanna b like one of those... normies" idk, is populair for reasen?

Welp i go back to sleep

swimmy swam

Due to a mix of gender dysphoria and body dysmorphia i havnt been to a pool or anything since i was 14 years old. 

My partner and friend wanted to celebrate their bday together at my partners parents pool. At first i was unsure. But i knew now i feel ok i would regret not going and participate. Due to it being planned a lil last minute i was scrambling and having a hard time to find some kinda swim shorts... to wich a friend offered to help make one w their partner. So i ordered 2 in difr colors, wich got sewn together! 

I went in the pool for hours and had so much fun!! When i got out i was so exhausted LMAO. I had alot of fun :3

Wich reminds me

I should make a folded on pc and save like all pictures for memorys... idk why i havnt done that yet hhh 

 

Weather is finally much better! its around 18 degrees atm yippay.

 

Made a new playlist, just music thats fun? "yaaay happy dance! yahhoo!" idk how else to describe it man lmao. Have a listen :3

 

Im looking at webdev resources again (waw i know), and alot of ppls carrds r so fucking tiny??? I asume this is so it would still look ok on mobile, but my ass blind af and also?? why tf give coding resources on mobile?? IF YA WANNA CODE DO IT ON YA PUTER FFS
Anyway, finally been tryna make my "fun" page. But i got no idea what i wanna do for it theme wise, so layout is hard to figure out aswel. I did recently learn about iframes, so that might come in handy.
I made a recolord ver of my main cursor and figured out how to make it change to teh recolored ver when hover over a link. I feel so ridiculous but it makes me happy to figuire stuff out yippee. Also wanna give some kinda visual input if u hover the navigation buttons

 

Update on spotify, i dont know how?? but the "repeat" icon was turned off, so it indeed only played the playlist once and turned off... 

Gadgets

Ive been using spotify since i was 12 years old... so for 14 years now. For THE LONGEST time i didnt get a sub. But a few years ago i caved. But spotify being evil n all that rly makes me re-consider... + i rly love listening to dj sets wich u can only rly find on yt... but yt also evil... i gues i can start pirating... will take forever... i could get an mp3 if i wanna listen on the road... but i think thas just exitement for "OOOGH NEW GADGET, BUY NEW GADGET YESSS"
However i have been meaning to try and spend less of my day on my pc/online... wich is rly hard due to disability, it being right in front of me on my desk and habit. But i gues having a gadget w music n turning off pc/phone could help. For my bday i gotn acrylic markers and watercolor paint n i still havnt gotten to using it... I wanna just spend more time crafting and arting... but pc/phone is made by the devil and ADHD is its biggest fan. I have been using social media alot less tho. Still dificoultys with instagram... I mainly use tumblr, youtube and neocities nowadays... i gues discord but thas only rly to talk with friends
Im now imagining doing art listening to mp3 and it sounds nice. But i know the actual doing will b difrent lol

My fucking eye is at it again, i wanna gauge it out. 

Ive also been making a new character... Morwyn... should talk ab them on other blog

I FINALLY finished Astras Ref sheet... cough... more or less... i got tired of it and was like "welp, better this then nothing". Theres so many characters in my head, but then actually designing them is so hard... oh Autumn... one day yould be real (Made her when i was like 16... 10YEARS OH LORD). Ok well tbf Autumn started off much difr then she ended up being. Shes suposed to be a butch leaning lesbian, idk how to draw that -insert despair emote-. It is funny that Astra (antagonist of naufragii) got a ref b4 Autumn (mc of naufragii).

How to put a lock on Vinted

Its been multiple times now where im half asleep scrolling on vinted and ending up buying smtg hhh. And like OK theyre never big sums of money sure, but in my proper awake state i usually take awhile to buy something so i can look over and see if theres other options ect...

So recently i bought these LPS stickers, Poodle and Lady bug... sigh. Dont get me wrong, they are things i want! BUT I SHOULDNT JUST BE SPENDING MONEY WILLY NILLY. The stickers are legit, as in they where sold/made by hasbro back in the day. I do want more lps stickers... I have been meaning to try out Wooacry for awhile now, maybe i should just set up a file w only LPS stuff and get it printed trough them.... To test out quality ya kno...
Anyway here is a picture

And last night i ended up buying 3 of those big-ass LPS LMAO
Looking now at the listings they looks so dirty, crying. WHY ARE THEY SO SHINY!?? Maybe i should just use em for repainting. TBF i apparently got them all for 12euro INCL shipping. While usually they go for like 15euro excl shipping on its own. Id love to eventually own more of the big ones! Its rare for a toy line to perfectly scale up their toys without it looking wonky! Awhile back a friend of mine gave me her old collection including the big purple bunny! 
Anyway heres pictures of those i bought

 

I love listening to DJ-sets on youtube. Helps me discover new songs and i like to see the ppl boogy from the corner of my eye lmao. Listening to Bobby Ghanoush playing some city pop (rly nice, def recomend!). However ive never seen? Usually DJs wear a headset or take em off n put em on when switching a song, but they??? have some kinda phone doohickey??? i thought it was a phone but its too long and has some kind of disk that they put to their ear???- holy shit i JUST realized, it IS a doohickey!!! its 1 ear of a headset with a handle, legit never seen anything like that. Not sure if its an actual thing or custom made.
Heres a picture (not from video but shows it best) 

Trans horse-girl Teto? Hell yea

For the first time i tried coding from scratch. Wanted to make my About me page for neocities... and... its going... it looks like ass yea but i made that!! thats my ass!!! its a HUGEEEE wip n i wish i could continue on it but i gotta wrap it up n pack my shit n head to bed bc BORTHDAY PARTY!!!

Heres what i got, friend who done coding in school told me "yea thas how we all start" wich felt validating. I want it to be space/alien themed. Cursor could b a UFO. I just need to remind myself to have fun, its ok if it looks like ass bc im still new to it BUT IM DOING IT!!!

 

And heres a mini inspiration board

 

OH and lastly
Been having this song on repeat LMAO 

i wake up and i wake up and i wake up and i wake up and i wake up and i wa-

I dreamt so weird... i kept waking up irl. But juat fell asleep agqin but it was rly trippy bc 2/3th of tge tine i "woke up" in tge dream thinking its real. But i always realized it was a dream so i forced myself to wake up. One of tge times was rly normal except my granpa was there so "oh im dreaming, hes actually dead". Another time my mom brough kittens (tgere was a rly cute one with long hair, had white n orange fur). Another where i had to hold onto my feont teeth or theyd fall out. And then some whacky ones where i was a server on a sinking ship n my boss abandoned me??? Anotger one i was in a big sparkly dress and had no beard, i wasnt dysphoric... in the dream lol. 

I should write down some things i wanna do (nothing big, but i stilk need to finiah counting stock + had idea to make smtg)

After many years of loving breakcore i finaly made a playlist for it LMAO. Uh if anybody wants to listen u can find it here
Also ended up writing stuff on character blog again. 
Lowkey upset, i orderd touchscreen stylus! They cancelled n refunded! I was exited :^(
Ended up ordering new, should b here tomorow. Also ended up panic buying one of those neck fans for Dokomi... But good investment for other cons too yes... I also have my hand held fan! 
I ate leftovers, it was rice. I heated it up when there was still a bit of ice in it... So it turned out like mush... Tasted the same tho so couldnt complain too much.

 

My Miis (Mika and Acedia) finaly had their baby! Wisteria! 

 

Uh cw for wounds in mouth. Ill again put it between -!!!- Content -!!!-