biiiiiig walky

Ngl i thought it was gonna be much easyer to find a skirt. My idea for the outfit i wanted to put together was a long brown tiered skirt, a yellow or green shirt (pref smtg with a pattern on) and then a bunch of red accesories. But Skirt wise finding anything that fits my hips seem imposible? I think i should settle on my brown pants and hope ill find a skirt one day. Top wise im still on the hunt. Made apointment to have my earlobes pierced wednesday! Since its in the city i might as well look in some stores for a top? or some jewelry? i do feel a bit... conflicted? im exited to have planned a day out, but im already dreading needing to get outta the house bc that means ill end up in pain n being exhausted. The whole not finding a skirt also brings the mood down so kinda feel a bit like garbage

I finally played big walk! Its a really fun game! screenshots from friend :3 (im the green n blue one)

Oh yea i saw that Lady Gaga has a baby now!?... or rather a Baby Gag-  i get blown into a bajilion smithereens

i miss my weiner

Dreamt i had a black rough coated weiner dog. They where my lil baby. Then some ass stole em and i kinda went insane. Gathering ppl to find n kill the guy... my weeny ;;

Im hungry... but i dont wanna wake up to eat... n i dont got any cookies anymore hhh

In germany i bought my own neck pillow but since tgen ive kinda been propping it under my arm to sleep. Is comfy n im like slightly less in pain. Only problem is that it makes me so hot

Started playing minacraft again. Began making a nautilus parking aration.

Some stuff i need to do: finish church build, deco inside house, fix potato famine, start structure under church n prep villager trading, lots and lots of mushroom buildings (ESPECIALLY around moss farm), tree/tnt farm, add vines to farm, the big wizard tower, paths, get a dang horse, bakery, bajilion armor stands... n thas just naming a few hhhh

Ive been shot

Gran woke me up to get my T shot.

I woke up from a dream. Idk specifics but i saw danny elfman talking to elton john. I wanted to tell danny a friend of mine realy liked him but meatcanyon kept dangling spiders in my face. I remember somebody turning into a spider creature who tgen met "the mother of all spiders" who went on ab every spider comes from her ect. Uh yea i was happy to b woken up.

Ate rest of friends bread pudding. Back in bed. 

Oh yea friends made ME in tomodachi and it make me so emotional. They gave me a dog. I cri

i wake up and i wake up and i wake up and i wake up and i wake up and i wa-

I dreamt so weird... i kept waking up irl. But juat fell asleep agqin but it was rly trippy bc 2/3th of tge tine i "woke up" in tge dream thinking its real. But i always realized it was a dream so i forced myself to wake up. One of tge times was rly normal except my granpa was there so "oh im dreaming, hes actually dead". Another time my mom brough kittens (tgere was a rly cute one with long hair, had white n orange fur). Another where i had to hold onto my feont teeth or theyd fall out. And then some whacky ones where i was a server on a sinking ship n my boss abandoned me??? Anotger one i was in a big sparkly dress and had no beard, i wasnt dysphoric... in the dream lol. 

I should write down some things i wanna do (nothing big, but i stilk need to finiah counting stock + had idea to make smtg)

After many years of loving breakcore i finaly made a playlist for it LMAO. Uh if anybody wants to listen u can find it here
Also ended up writing stuff on character blog again. 
Lowkey upset, i orderd touchscreen stylus! They cancelled n refunded! I was exited :^(
Ended up ordering new, should b here tomorow. Also ended up panic buying one of those neck fans for Dokomi... But good investment for other cons too yes... I also have my hand held fan! 
I ate leftovers, it was rice. I heated it up when there was still a bit of ice in it... So it turned out like mush... Tasted the same tho so couldnt complain too much.

 

My Miis (Mika and Acedia) finaly had their baby! Wisteria! 

 

Uh cw for wounds in mouth. Ill again put it between -!!!- Content -!!!-

Mimis to cope?

Today i slept a whole day (w my usual pee get ups) n open tomodachi whenever snew items r in shop. Not tgat i do it on the dot but theyre at 05.00, 06.00 (new day) 12.00 and 17.00. N then i also play a lil. I just finished eatong some leftovers. N now back in bed.

Since FACTS spring 26 ive been in some kinda waiting mode. I know im doing stuff but i gen cannot remember majority of it. B4 con i was rly busy w deadline n whenever that ends i feel like an old sock. Just a lil lost? Im not hyperfixating on anything atm. Havnt coded in a bit. I wanna! But that fixation passed. So i kinda just forget ab it until like rn in bed thinking "man i couldv done xyz". 

Ive also been sevearly ignoring my feelings again, yippee! It sure is botteling up tho! As if i need to vomit i feel everything come up at once, my heart beats faster. I feel it in my stomach and chest, something heavy. I feel it in my arms, hands, legs and face, tingling? Buzzing? I feel i want to cry, scream, i wanna bite. I feel like a terrified dog curled in a corner, just taking everything in. But "unexpectetly" ill snap.

But i take a breath and push it al away. Theres nothing i can do. I know its bad but the alternative is a complete meltdown with... also no change.

So i just push it all away by trying to keep my mind ocupied 24/7... or sleeping... wich festers itself in nightmares hhh.

"Why not talk ab your troubles" i do sometimes. Often times it makes me physicly nauseaus, insecure and agitated... n i rly dont wanna lash out at ppl tryna help.

So i maladaptive daydream ab my characters to cope. I rly wish i was less anxious ab sharing stuff. I managed to put a lil blurb up again. I noticed im only rly able to do it when im rly tired and ready to sleep... wich might lead to some incomprihensible bits... but i try to counter the anxiety by telling myself im sharing for myself. 

Perchance im slowly doing worse again. Mental health wise. Perhaps the only thing keeping me sane is fixating on some bs

Im tired

We tomodachi-ing all night long

So took a whole ass week but im much better now. Now im just kinda coughing/blowing out tge remainder of the sickness.

Ive been playing alot of tomodachi life living tge dream. Its so silly. The evil voices r telling me to buy a normal switch (i have a lite) just so i could stream it to friends while playing. I will not b fucking doing that... but the thoughts remain...

Also no offense to my friends who have me friended on tge switch but oh lord does it give me anxiety that yhey can see when im playing. Idk why!!! Im happy i was able to turn that off for discord. But its so stupid! None of my friends care that i dont respond asap... i hope. N its not like i try to keep it a secret how much time i spend on the internet. I rly dont know why it makes me so anxious.

On another note. Likely will change blog again. Just not pleased w how it looks

Will atempt to sleep more but head full of blorbos ough

Sick... wah... oh so sick... wah...

16/04/26
14.47
Yesterday i told gran my nose spray is almost empty. She said she would buy it this morning. This morning i woke up she says shell get it at 13.30 bc she felt lazy. Im like yea sure nw but i do rly need it asap bc its tge only thing keeping me sane. Its now later. I get up... she din get it yet... my nose spray empty... my whole face hurts so bad 

Cw uh? Self harm? And needles. I will put it between -! content !- so ppl can skip

jooj

Eye update: stable, i got nose spray to clear up all mucus and that seems to work.

Friends came over on saturday n we labeled stuff together. I was rly uncomfortable due to pain and being too hot so i had as hard time focusing and didnt end up finishing.
After they left i chilled and then went into vc with other friends. Been watching Jojos bizare adventure with a friend... but only when were both in vc. Days im not they continue watching but then just fill me in after. I ask them alot of questions and they always try to answer or look it up. I partially do this bc this is how i show affection (attempting to engage in friends interest so they can talk about it without feeling self-conscious bc theyre "just answering my question"). But ive come to like it too, just casually tho. But especially fanart.

I wanna finish my display stuff before the weekend ends but i dont think that will be possible sadly :^(

So the plastic boxes i bought that where too big got canceled? And ive been refunded. Welp. But they also canceled the nailpolish rack >:^( 

Is now tuesday morning, orderd bussines cards. Not best work, nor worst. Orderd 500 of em 

For some reasen i smelled lasagna... now im hungry... hm. 

Started rewatching s1 of live action one piece. Well i have it on my 2nd monitor while working on stuff.

Mainly need to finish price tags, decorations n some signs. Told gran n she already offered help (w like stamping paper bags, putting cards in bags ect) so thas nice :^)

Gran woke me up w chicken burger, chicken sate and cheeseballs. I inhalled those (yom) and now ready to pass tf out again. But ngl for a second i thought "waw life isnt all that bad" LMAO

Oh i had.. idea for new character, i supose kinda Frankensteins monster. Theyre called Mac. But unlike Vicktor their creator is obsessed w them? Macs creator is a "famous" surgeon (its in Laewyn, in Taublivoras lower parts) who with the guise of helping those in need preys on the poor and disabled. Basicly she performs surgery for verry cheap or even free but with horrible conditions. She performs these surgeries under a live audience 
I passed tf out after this LMAO, its now 2pm on wednesday and i dont feel like talking further ab this atm (i think in my half asleep state i just had more confidence to talk ab it?)

Today wimdy af holy hell, also cold. Had to put my long pants on lmao. 

Rly wanna work more on my neocities site but i NEED to finish my stuff for artist alley first hhh. Also just realized theres only 2 and a half weeks left, shitting my pantalones rn! 
Tomodachi lifes demo came out today and will be playing that together with a friend in the evening (as in we both play our respective games, while in vc). So im charging my switch n downloading that. Will be working on AA stuff till friend is online, should give me ample time to work and then get reward with playing demo

Finished some stuff yippaay. But i had to share that i discovered the existence of a Mudi. A hungarian dog breed. Their appearance seem to resemble that of a border collie but with a curly coat (obv much difr but just explaining to ppl who dont know). It seems that one of their natural colors can be merle wich is cool. Fyi to those unaware; from tha googl "Merle is a genetic pattern in a dog's coat and alleles of the PMEL gene. It results in different colors and patterns and can affect any coats". Wich in and of itself is a neutral thing. However those insane dog breeders always love to make some bullshit. Wich leads to french bulldogs with a long merle coat... Since this is not a normal (aka breed standard) coat color you can only achieve this by sheer "luck" or incest. Ofc ppl know the problems that come with that (well more so i hope) but the merle coat can also affect the skin of the dog where the lighter parts can get sunburned ect. BUT OFC PPL WHO BUY THOSE WEIRD ASS BREEDS DONT KNOW SO THEY JUST GET AN INBRED ANIMAL WITH A SKIN CONDITION.... AND DONT GET ME STARTED ON DOODLES THOSE ARE MUTS!!! YOU CAN ONLY GET THEM BY COMBINING 2 DOGS!!! THAS A MUT!!! JUST GET A FUKCING POODLE!!!... NO NVM DONT GET A POODLE, NONE OF THEM KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF THEIR COATS!!!... ok i need to calm tf down. But just know im exploding all those ppl with my mind. Anyway heres a picture of the Mudi, i love them alot. 

These crossing animals be gay fr fr

Laying in bed i grab my switch and i notice its emiting some kinda light?? And its just now i notice tgat tge thumb grips light up in tge dark lmao??

Wich reminds me, never trust when i upload a blog entree, i sometimes start writing them days b4 and upate them sporadicly bc i lose intrest ir get bored lmao. Also easy way to tell if im on my phone or pc: if i have alot of stupid typos its bc i dont have auto correct on my phone and im still getting used to qwerty on it. I try to fix some mistakes but eh 

Now onto another thing

Just wanna yap ab acnh tbh

So i made my island like a day b4 release. My fruit is oranges. Those who know me r aware that i have a vendeta against oranges (idk why or how but one day i just started hating them). Tge main reasen i never rly restarted is bc i found it so cool and a hige achievement tgat i was able to play! 1 whole day!! Earlyer then release date!!!

I played it so much, non stop, without time travel. Finished the story and then wantes to make a horror themed island. Wich tgen burned me out. But now w tge 3.0 update (like 5 years later) it sparked my intrest again. Especially bc ressetti can clear your island! 

I took a compleatly difrent aproach now. No real theme except that i have to like it. Plan stuff out and!!! Look at ref!! I also time travel bc uh... im NOT spending a whole ass month waiting for all buildings, bridges and inclines to b done. 

Im also trying to make some lore around the characters.

The other day i talked to Bea and she told me her ideal date would be a stroll around the beach. Later i caught Bea talkinf to Fauna about books. And!!! Fauna asked Bea to have a stroll!!! At the beach!!! And read a book togeter!!! And Bea was like "but what if it rains we cant read" AND FAUNA REPLIED "atleast we will have spend time togeter" OH LAWD!??? IM??? AAAAAA!?!? LESBIANS ON MY ISLAND AAAA. So save to say i ship them now... Beana? Bauna? 

Also saw Tomodachi life living the dream direct. Exited to play that and make all my silly characters. I saw an alien so i hope u can have fantasy skin tones. Also hoping for horns. Huge of nintendo to make em gay, enby and aro!!! Also rly liking how creative u can b... tho i noticed some items r exactly the same in acnh. I dont mind tho

Verry unrelated but my face hurts. Like va pounding hurt not my skin. I noticed tgat tends to happen when i sleep long. No clue why

I also stole my brothers chips bc im hungry n dont wanna make food

OH GREAT HEAVENS

Just got an email with how much imma need to pay for table cost. In total 665.98EUR (shoot me pls)
Already paid so i dont need to think ab it. But considering i din get paid this month and my coming wage will only b around 800 im kinda dying inside. While yes half of that will be paid back since im sharing with a friend, its still a heafty amount... So i actually had to pay 332.99EUR... And now im shitting bricks. Usually i have to pay less but my friend n i decided to branch out and thus needed a bigger space... Wich time wise is biting me in the ass bc i still have to buy stock for it and A WHOLE NEW SETUP (Explodes into smithereens). Praying that docters and whoever needs to check find me disabled enough so i can get that wage. Gen gon b so upset if ill have to survive off of 800 and what not a month but im trying not to think ab that rn. Still have yet to work on deadline! AAAAAAAAAA
I also hab no snack at home, im gonna commit- something

I also feel bad bc b4 i paid my gran 500 a month but i cant rly do that now. 

Friend forced me to lock tf in and i finished this
 

 

Now i will crawl into bed and play more ACNH (im making Eloise a room in happy home paradise) 

Why it stank so bad

I love being woken up so early by a loud ass noise for a stench so foul to fill my nose. Theyre emptying the septic tank right outside my window. So in a half asleep state i went and closed my windows... man

Ive slept pretty long but im still tired so now im annoyed hhh

Lil update i suppose. Grans home, filled in and send my disability papers. Mainly need to work on deadline. But i feel stuck bc in my head i rly wan finish like the rough structure of my rebrand if that makes sense. Like i mainly just wanna have a new username but its so hard to come up w anything. 

I want a name/brand thats cute. I really wanna go with a star, rainbow and maybe cloud theme. But how tf do u combine that in a name. Like just putting the words together is boring "Star-Rainbow-Cloud", no personality and also a bit long. I thought of doing ConfettiiStar but it also feels a lil impersonal + the double "i" could lead to confusion. Im not good with good thought out or clever puns 

All ive been doing is playing animal crossing new horizons WHILE I SHOULD B WORKING ON MY GD DEADLINE. Rly jelous of a friend that splits their work with another friend (Like friend 1 draws everything, friend 2 does like bookkeeping). Sometimes the thought pops in my head "what if i just quit" but thats the lil demon on my shoulder talking just bc im tired. 

 

New game!

I watched Knights of Guinevere twice yesterday. I LOVE IT SO MUCH WHAAA. First during lunch, second with a friend in the evening. THERES SO MUCH DETAIL!!
I cant wait to see more of this!!

Ive also had Cyberpunk 2077 on my wishlist for a long while. saw it had a sale so decided to get it (cough that was b4 i got the letter). I did not know it was 84GB tho holy hell. Im installing it now bc i couldnt earlyer was watching a movie with friends and my brother was playing a game. Not sure if ill still start it up bc it says its gonna take about an hour hhh.
Among all the games i own its rly an outlier, im more into "cozy" games and "friendslob". Im not good at games, As a kid i mostly played flash games and on my Nintendo DS. I find that i lack the dexterity in my hands to play certain games? Or i panic and fumble completely. Whenever i play games i also play on easy. Im not sure what compelled me to get the game? I heard it was good, i saw some people post theor characters and thought it was pretty neat. I dont know anything else lmao.

 On a compleatly unrelated not im hungry and fairly certain we dont have food except for a freezer pizza hh. 

Ok so i started at 01.41am its now 03.44am and just now the download finished... 

Ended up playing its now...  07.30am aaaa
pretty fun!