appley soise

No clue what i dreamd of but somebody said "if i where a pokemon that sucked, id be Roronoa Zoro"... and then i woke up??? 

Im so hungry but we got nothing in this damn house (see: w no prep, i dont wan make spaghetti n eat it in bed).. ive been surviving off of stale bread ad nutella bc mu brother ate the dsmn peanut butter... but... the apple sauce in the cabinet... it has been whispering my name.... it knows i musnt... I CANT NO FOR GRAN HAS GREAT PLANS IN YOUR FUTURE!... but it eyes me so when i get the nutella... i fear i might not be strong enough in the future to whitold myself... oh applesauce, how i crave you...

 

Downloaded obsidian, i been customizing the ui for HOURS, sudenly got filled with dread? like i got overwhelmed? and i shut it down, was not happy with what i did LMAO. 

 

Partner sadly cant get piercing soon so i will have to go by my lonesome. Already mailed sombody some questions for an apointment. Hopefully somewhere next week. Exited to b able to have cute earings in the future :3

 

Yesterday was the one year anniversary of beginning this blog, yippee!

Ive not been writting here alot recently. I just dont have anything i wish to talk ab. Rest asured i will when i do

 

crying, as im about to close my pc to get in bed they decide to start doing construction outside. Both outside my window and from the livingrooms side. THEY HATE ME!!! 

Coding wise i finally made a sidemap. Tho i wanna make it visually clear wich pages are up and arent (likly just putting a das trough the ones that arent)

I went trough several hells trying to finally start a bead curtain. I have alot of beads but theyre all difr kinds of beads... so im making a tiny one w those small glass beads..  it look wonky as hell hhh. I will finish it tho

Bought tickets to epic doll fair! Itl b in march, exited! 

Reminiscing of an artist i once knew

When i see a puppy i become emotional. This isnt a new phenomenon. I look at puppys and feelings overwhelm me, not quiet sadness? Longing? A deep apreciation and love? It makes me feel like i should cry.

I really love dogs... ended up making dog character... her name is Ivy :3

I finally ended up making my button. Rly simple but i can always change it. So i aplied to some webrings! 

My brother went to Amsterdam for 10 days, hes back now and he brought me nougat ;u;

I havnt had it in so long, but i LOVE nougat!...

 

I really shouldnt think ab BJDs rn... but so many characters... NO GET IT TOGETHER I STILL HAVE DOLLS THAT NEED FINISHING... but i cant, my materials r somewhere in my room but idk where or how to reach them... NOO SHUT UP... hmmm light blue doll... AAAAAAA

On a doll related note, i saw that Epic doll fair will be in 2027 and my friend has her license now! Weve been wanting to go to this doll con for so many years now lmaoo, but its in the netherlands and would take about 4h by train to get there... "only" 2 hours with car!

 

I really badly need a friend i can throw money at who can crochet. Beaming the thought of wanting to crochet into all my friends.
Its just a craft i dont enjoy doing but theres stuff i want hhh 

 

WARNING!
the following part is me talking about an artist who has some darker and heavy themes like selfharm, abuse and gore. None of it is drawn in a hyper-realistic way tho. All art is "hidden" inside links

Can Pierce die in his sleep already... pls

For the past couple of weeks ive been looking at the weather app religiously, hoping it will drop down and actually stay down. It got to like 30 with 23 in sight but then back up to 28 on sunday. Been using my ice pack alot, rly happy with them. Been drinking alot of water (to woever is reading, go drink some water rn please)

Yall it just now hit me... Monét X Change... Money Exchange. I feel embarrassed LMAO. Whenever i read her name i just kinda thought of the painter... I made the realization bc i said the painters name out loud. 

I wanna apply for webrings... the only thing holding me back is wanting a button first. Alot of webrings ask it (tho its not needed) and i feel like it would just be a bigger hassle if i apply w/o one and them ask to add one. hm hm hm

A new hyperfixation is slowly creeping up... im trying my darnest best to keep it at bay... Beaded banners/curtains... they looks so cute and seem fairly easy to make!

Man??? Idk how but i managed to scratch myself in my sleep again?? 

I have 2 sleeping playlists i switch betwedn n sometines i put on other playlists too. My main has no lyrics, my second mostly does. In my second i have this song Breathe (in the Air) from Pink Floyd n the first few seconds always confuses the hell outa me lmao

Ive been watchimg Comminity whenever i eat. Its a bit dated but i still think its charming n i like a good chunk of the characters (not pierce, hes creepy n a weirdo in a bad way) just bit weird to me that Troy is Childish Gambino. I think my fav character is Abed... i just relate alot to him. Reasen i watch these kinda shows is bc theyre like 25mins long, i can leave mid epusode n cone back w/o needing to remember major plot lines n i find it entertaining. Idk why it feels like enjoying these types of media feel "wrong" for me. Lije its only a guity pleasure... maybe brain think "dont wanna b like one of those... normies" idk, is populair for reasen?

Welp i go back to sleep

ples l;et wibter come soon

It stormed alot during the night. I rly liked it. Ive been awake since like 2am n its now 9am. I wanna sleep. It sucks it starts getting light out round like 4am. I got no problem going to bed when light out bc im dead tired then. But i have harder time falling asleep again when its light. I wanna get a sleeping mask i think. Also my eyes r gunky again??? Another reasen i dont wan get up. Is rly hot, wgen eye irritate n fan on i just cant see bc they hurt/itch then.

Went on to sleep till 1am, had plans to play game with friends but... yea. Starting to consume gore/uncomfortable media, laying in bed awake much longer then i should... im not doing great and the heat amplifies this. I feel gloomy and want to retreat from social contact... Socializing is becoming harder. Im sorry to friends, i apreciate all messages, but its taking more and more of my energy.

When i woke up i still went in vc tho. Friend and i body doubled eachother to draw. Im making very slow progress on my Astra ref, reasen it takes so long is bc i need to design so much. And Astra is a very importand character to me so i dont wanna half ass it... Kinda ironic bc Astra was made in a period of time i was doing mentally not so great. Anyway heres a lil wip, deciding to not line it. Also this is the best ever wings ive ever drawn, i will never b able to replicate it. Im happy they belong to Astra.

I also messely colored it bc i started too doubt stuff. Glad to confirm its how i imagined them. Only thing i din wanna give them paper white skin bc... oogly... AND idk wtf the inside of a lahore pigeons wing looks like?? Stuff will still change, mainly stuck on tattoos and clothes rn... I want pretty c lothe but... i no want draw cloht... 

Also lmao just remembered
Imagine scaryst guy in town, ppl shiver at the mention of their name... and its just some gnc twink.

I hope it storms again soon, i used to be scared of thunder but i found it oddly calming.
Anyway is noon i should head to bed to avoid the coming heat 

prepping to atack

Artfight is in like 2 weeks. Finally started re-decorating my profile. still a wip but this is how far ive gotten!  Perhaps suprising? but i chose team Tragedy. I hope to atleast draw more then last year.

 

Also got accepted and been setting up my ArtistStore. 

I dont rly have alot to say. Energy is low, heat is going up. But im managing... By sleeping 

sick or allergy

Hmmm i tgink allergy bc this the seasen of pollen. But my back/shoulder is hurting. Shes scares it might b a lung infection... i dont think that. I woke up sone days ago w my shoulder hurting when i do surtain movement. However it also hurts when i breath in a lil too deep or when i sneeze. I do think i slept laying wrong. Im hyper flexible n to get in a comfy position i tend to bend my body in strange ways. The pain already lessened much. 

I bought a new backpack. Been looking for a hot while. Was first intending to get a light blue one but then i remembered its likly gon get dirty. So i ended up w a darked turquoise... i recieved it n its a bit darker then expected sigh. Still like it tho. Its not a regular backpack, its meant for traveling. So it has like 1 main pocket thats majority of tge backpack. It has elastic inside like a suitcase n u can open it up compleatly. And then it has a bunch of hiden pockets. I felt lije this better suited my wants/needs then my old backpack (wich is like 6 years by now damn) also just rly wanna step away from black unless its smtg i rly like. Cougg i used to only get black items so i wouldnt b noticed. Bc it felt the safest. N then i realised thas a horrible way to live so i started buying colordul stuff bc it makes me happy. Also wanna sew a bunch of my patches onto it.

Rebloging Project Hail Mary content like my life depends on it. I also see and reblog some blodymary stuff (Iron Lung X Project Hail Mary) I dont rly ship it romanticly (neither do i mind the ship). In my mind Grace is aroace. But i like blodymary for Simons potential. Also Grace and Simon queer platonic partners? hmmm- yes. 

 

I found Marginalia-search and been exploring on there. Its a search engine but the goal is just exploring if that makes sense. I love those kinda things. Found a blog thats been reviewing difrent kinds of dolls since 2012 and has a post as recent as april this year. When looking trough it i found some doll lines i completely forgotten about. 

 

Goodlord, i wanted to pick up the shirt i ordered but its raining pretty hard.

 

I revamped my blog! Its now fish yippee

 

Bruh i liked 1 (one) death note post n now my whole tumblr is full of it

 

Recently i changed up my Toyhouse profile, i rly like how its looking :3 I should get back to coding my site. But my brain is occupied with "must draw" Bc i at least want to have a reference for Astra before Artfight starts this year. This is what i got so far. Wont be bothering with lineart.

pant :^(

Been looking on vinted, adding stuff to my wislist.
I found this brand called CFIERCE trough it, They have nice stuff but id b happy if i fit my big toe in any of their clothes (they seem to only have S, M and L). Ontop of that the price is rly high holy moly. 

Imma complain for the bajilionth time ab pants again. I was looking on vinted for pants but as expected: its either black, leggings, panties??? or sombodys grandma died. It gives a whooping 4 pages! My pants size is 58 (sometimes bigger, sometimes smaller) wich should be around 6xl? Problem is theres about a 20cm difference in my waist and hip circumference. So i either need pants with a pull string or use a belt wich always just scrunckles up weird. I have to buy womens pants bc mens pants just fit me horribly. Theres only really a handful of places i know that carries my size, Bonprix, Shein (not even gon link em bc i bought pants like once n they horrible quality) and Shiny by Nature. 
I dont doubt theres more brands and if ppl know any i would love to know!!!! 
I just really want pants that are like colorful, kidcore, colorblock ect. But its all so boring! I either have to prioritize style (most are just black leggings!!!), size (most importand one) or price! Bc If i like how it looks and it fits its gonna cost so much and/or its outside europe so i need to pay customs on that aswel!
I would love shorts but i need all my pants to reach below my knees bc when i walk my knees touch, so when i sweat it just ends up ripping open my skin! So i only really wear them when i know i dont really need to walk.
Ive found that the only brand that really fits me good (and like actually be comfortable) is Shiny by Nature. But theyre in america! And their brand have gone from being rly cute and colorful to more basic now... I also really dislike their marketing, the only thing they go on about is that theyre the only brand that fits big hips and constantly have a "limited time discount" hhh

I ordered boba!
Orderd 3 drinks, first one i never had was Pistachio with soy milk and coco jelly, rly liked it! 2nd was smtg galaxy, no clue what flavour but it was eh. Last also forgot name... but smtg w peach and foam?

Whole day i looked trough backpacks n finally bought one. Id like to bring it to dokomi! Bought some uhh? Upgrades too! Like a thingy to connect acros ur chest! And a small pocket to hang on the strap to put my phone in, or money? I wanna wear smtg that will b comfy and wont make me sweat like crazy. But i still wanna look a lil fancy. Will wear posm ears bc easyest, seeveless shirt w skeleton on, blue pants n then make a bunch of accesories w beads? Not sure ab 2nd day. . Looking on vinted.... hmmm

Spend majority of my day in vc. Now im tired 

MY EYESSSS AAAAAAAAAA PLS TAKE EM OUT AAAAAAAA

2 friends of mine wrote a story based on the DND campaign we played, im currently listening to it with text to speech bc 1 i need to do stuff and 2 i... reading... ough. 
Anyway wanted to draw and i??? my fuckiong??? tablet??? I have 2 screens and i set it so my drawing tablet only functions on my main one. And i notice when trying to draw it was off? like my pen wasnt where it was supposed to be? and i check and i can use my pen on my second screen?? Sure enough when i look in the settings theyre wrong!! but all my shortcuts are correct?? im so confused

Eyes update, i wanna rip them out! I wanted to go to doctor again but theres a public transport strike. What if i just jump outa my window hmm. Pls all i want is to not have snotty eyes, is that so much to ask?

I woke up around 1am and stayed in bed till 6am, i was hoping to sleep more but whatever. Ill likely get tired earlier which ill need bc tomorrow friends will come over. Were going to label our merch together.

Rn im putting all my resources into one big google sheets thing. I can share it with difrent people then, keep it better organized and updated. Autism brain go crazy: "yippee i make a list yippeee"
Its up n running! at the top "WebDev Resources" obv still need to add more but i did put all my templates on it. When i finished doing that i know ive seen more templ;ates around... so def will keep my eyes (augh) open for that

When in bed i was looking trough the notes on my phone, I found some world building notes and a few rough drafts i wrote for Ilyas story (character of mine). I read it and most still lines up so thas cool. Theyre from 2021 tho. I think ill put them on my characters blog, its old but its something. Ive only shared bits n bops with 2 friends... well my best friend and my partner... Id love for more of my friends to know my characters but... im scared lmao. 
My stories delve into some... uh... uncomfortable topics... some characters are morally questionable at best. And i know alot of my friends dont share my fascination for gore and grotesque things. Ill just have to tag stuff/add warnings i guess. But anxiety is like "u wrote smtg bad/weird, now they will think youre just like that character/condone the bad things". AND ALSO "the writers barely disguised fetish" IM MORTIFIED!! I DONT!!! NEED THEM TO KNOW THINGS THAT I DONT REALIZE MYSELF!!! Well and also ofc the "oh god im not good at writing stories, people will think im stupid" wich i mean, ill just have to get over (i used to have that about my art and thats now ok...)

Its now 18.05 im going feral, im gonna bite somebody
i resurrected my laptop and will b using that tomorrow for labeling. The colors of the screen r so dull compared to my monitors... also... so small... toiny
Imma skip food (will eat it when i wake up) and head to bed. Im just so frustrated and uncomfortable. Gran msgd DR, he hasnt replied yet (its friday so alot of ppl will b at his office) but i should get a nise spray prescribed n hopefully get it tomorrow. 

Just one last thing, i sketched this lil doodle n imdietly got ideas for a new character. Theyre Called Eos, God of fortune and luck. Theyre often seen with Helion, god of the sun (warmth, power, life, yada, yada). I like to think that the thing between their antlers was a gift from Helion :3

 

Ok imma knock myself tf out b4 i crawl my eyes out...

...cough scroll my tumbly, eat a cookie and then fall asleep lmao

Fighting demons in my sleep wtf

Might do a compleat "make-over" on this blog. Now that i get coding i can make stuff work better. I also just wanna make stuff look difr. Since my main neocities has alot of rainbow i wan do smtg difr on this blog. Unsure of what yet. Also the character blog isnt selved. Just have other priorities atm

Update on neocities... used another template yet again lmao. It dosnt work on mobile but idc. Dont got a better pic rn (on phone bc in bed)

For now i rly need to focus on deadline tho. Started on new logo/stamp. Lije what i got so far... still stuck on name. Ive saciated my need to use "confetti" by changing name here. So hmmm

Also woke up w a big ass scar on my forehead. Wtf did i do in my sleep man. Reminder to self to cut my nails i gues

Glorp-tuber

 Im often in vc with a friend of mine. They then stream whatever theyre doing (play game, watching smtg, ect)
So i decided to make her a lil png-tuber thing. Im not bothering w how to instal or program, leaving that to them LMAO
Anyway, heres a lil preview i gues