how long can it rly take for an elevator

I din sleep qlot as expected. Just rolling around alot. I was so confused when my alarm went lmao. Good i set like 4 bc i kept faling back asleep. Going to endo i forgot they blocked off a big portion of hospital so had to walk alllll the way around (i think idv been faster if i took 2 difr trams to get there ffs) and then i got at tge elevator... tgere where so many ppl. It took so long. It was finally here.... ppm get off new get on n i dont fit.... i then had to wait again... when FINALLY ny turn is alot of ppl again. We had to stop at each floor n mine was at 9... 27 mins later than apointment im finally at waiting room... also alot of ppl here n i know my dr is still gon take hiw time till its my turn. The world hates me.

Somebody sitting 2 seats next to me brought their tablet n is drawing a comic panel, the art looks rly nice. Im rly trying not to b a creep by staring. I wish i could tell them im a fellow artist... ah alas they left. This rly masc dude, buzzcut, full of tattoos ect in front of me has cute lil pink bows on their black shoes. Seems to n lil plastic bits added after purchase. I think is very cute :3

I do hope i wont have to wait tooo much longer...

I try to eat smtg b4 i leave home but it always bites me in tge ass. I ate 3 slices of bread w choco. Im lowkey nauseous (i mean im in a nervous state had to hurry ect hhh). N my nose smeezy!!! Aaaaa.

Bruh beating myself up, i saw weatger will b poop, WHY DID I PUT MY SUNGLASES (+ CASE) IN MY HAND BAG.

Ok b so fr rn. I had to b at endo at 10.40 its 12 rn. I was 27 mins late yes BUT WHADAHELL? Theres been ppl b4 me also still waiting! Bruh

When i finqlly got out id had to havemy blood taken... but instead i left for movie... good tging bc i arrived just in time. It was n AMAZING movie... i shed many tears... i need to let it marinate b4 i talk ab it tho. 

After i went to friend house. Just chillin. We looked in a dog and a cat book. Wich was just us info dumping the whole time. He gave me bread pudding n now im omw home. 

Idk why but i feel jittery inside. My back hurt... toired...

Its 6.46 am

Im in bed eating bread pudding... is so good 

I bought a sleeveless shirt on vinted. I never rly bought 2nd hand clothes (just din grow up doing that. It was like a lil over 5€ incl shipping. I mainly just want a shirt that shows my tattoo on my left arm but short sleeves cover it. I have some tank tops but i maonly ise em as a pj top lol.

Anyway this is the shirt 

Idk if the skeleton is feom anything. Just thought it looked neat.

I also wanna wear accesories but anytime i try i feel like a lil kid that got in their moms jewelry box. Like rings dont rly fit my fat sausage fingers n bc my hands sweat i wash em alot...

Bracelets r also hhh. Theyre always so tight.

Its almost my bday!

I cannot think ab uh, thw passage of time/me getting older for too long. Like just brinfing it up n i need to calm down. It gen so terrifiying to me. I feel nauseous, i wamna burst out crying. I need to move on bc ill legit get a panic atack

Im gonna scroll tumvlr n sleep

Tiny crusty dog...

I looked trough my dog breeds book! I looked mainly for breeds that my gran would b able to handle on her own. Like yea it will b our dog, i was thinking like "if shes home alone, elevator dosnt work, ect, she might not b able to do anything". Ive also let her look trough my book n told her to look for dogs she likes... In the end she choose dogs she liked... but din read ANY of the important info (like how long to take em out, how much grooming ect)... no instead she just read the lil blurb with "they r nice, have big eyes" ect, like bruh. Its like she listens without understanding a word. Anyway there was just 1 dog breed we both agreed on.
A bolognese, low energy, easy to train, friendly but does need professional grooming (wich we both have no problem with).
Ok... yea this isnt my first choice nor favorite dog breed either (oh great pyrenees, my beloved). But ive come to terms with likely getting a lil white crusty dog awhile ago. Like personally i would LOVE a long haired chihuahua, They are TINY! they need short walks! They are fantastic companions! I rly like Pomeranians too! But Gran is rly not a fan... like she tells me she dosnt like it but "would accept it if theres no choice"... like i dont wanna get a dog shes gon b weird ab u kno. 

My whole body hurts hhhh. 

Some times i go on tumblr and see im following somebody but i have no clue who they are. Like did they change their pfp, did i accidentally follow them or secret option 3?
Bc yea i mainly remember ppl by their pfp, so when they change it i got no clue

Whenever i have to get up early i get so nervous i almost cant sleep, so pls pray for me 

LEAVE BEE ALONE

BEES R ATACKING ME AND IM NOT TALKING AB MY FRIEND (one flew into me twice)

My eyes burn like the sleightest lol but tgeres a tiny breeze so i hqve a hard tine keeping them open.

After writing that omw to meetup w friends i sudenly saw one of them on my tram lmao.

I gen had alot of fun! 

I bought a book on dog breeds! It has stats in it that signify how long u need to take em for a walk for or how much grooming they need ect. It also has info on difr types (hounds, terriers ect), state where theyre from ect amd other lil titbits. I rly like!

After buying book we ate... then we went to friend house in pouring rain. All of us where soaking wet. At one point i just couldnt see anymore, rain on my glasses and in my eyes, i couldnt wipe it away bc everything else also wet... worst of all... book wet...

I got home at like 1am, then got in vc till like 7?8am? Talked w gran till 13smtg

It is now 2 days after. Im tired but need to get up otherwise i will not sleep tonight. Hhhh... bed... comfy... the world is cruel.... hm hungry...

Oh pics yippee

Can a guy be vulnreble on main rq

Its almost the 24th of march. I cant believe it will be 4 years since Izzy passed away. Ive always had trouble with "sadness". I hate the feeling. I rarely cry except for when i have a meltdown (wich i havnt had in a good while). Being on T also supresses my ability to cry, some times i just sit there wanting to cry but i just cant. But the other day i was just bawling my eyes out thinking about Izzy. I feel... pathetic? Its gonna b 4 years. Yet i still miss her so much.

Im not affectionet, i infact dont like being touched or touching ppl. Talking ab my feelings is not my forté aswel... but ive cone to realize that i do crave it, just not from ppl. I miss hugging Izzy, patting her, playing with her, giving her smooches on her head, just laying next to her on the ground. (Getting choked up)

I so deeply crave such a connection. And i know i will have a dog again in the future but it wont be her (nvm im vrying agakm)

Just bawled my eyes out again. I dont rly understand. My grandpa who raised me passed some years ago now too yet it dosnt affect me quiet as much as Izzy does. N i know you cant compare how ppl mourn. But my friends seem to be able to handle their pets passing much better then i do. Well ofc i only know as much as they show. 

I fell asleep after that lmao
I watched this video while drawing and it made me so fucking devastated. Im in absolute shambles. Its just the guy explaining the plot of Houseki no kuni, i remember when the anime first came out i watched a few episodes but it wasnt much for me. Even the video i only understood about half of it (spoiler warning ahead) Like i dont get what the praying exactly does or what it means? Why tf is the sensei a robot? Ok sure the moon ppl wanna take the gem ppl to make stuff out of them so the moon ppl r considerd bad... but why tf did they wanna end the world?? I also dont get why Phos joined the moon ppl?? Anyway-
What just rly got to me was that Phos whole thing was to become "useful" to everybody. They where a "weak" gem (hardness wise, as in they break easely) and so other gems can protect by fighting, Phos task is to just write down everything that happens. Ok imma shorten it or id just type everything the guy said lmao. But Phos basicly changed everything about themself, limbs, even head. They gained everything, literly reached godhood but lost everybody. To then meet some rock who is perfectly content with who they are. And then it hit Phos. They did not have to be useful to anybody. They just had to be... man. I just- i cannot put into words how much this affected me.