ples l;et wibter come soon

It stormed alot during the night. I rly liked it. Ive been awake since like 2am n its now 9am. I wanna sleep. It sucks it starts getting light out round like 4am. I got no problem going to bed when light out bc im dead tired then. But i have harder time falling asleep again when its light. I wanna get a sleeping mask i think. Also my eyes r gunky again??? Another reasen i dont wan get up. Is rly hot, wgen eye irritate n fan on i just cant see bc they hurt/itch then.

Went on to sleep till 1am, had plans to play game with friends but... yea. Starting to consume gore/uncomfortable media, laying in bed awake much longer then i should... im not doing great and the heat amplifies this. I feel gloomy and want to retreat from social contact... Socializing is becoming harder. Im sorry to friends, i apreciate all messages, but its taking more and more of my energy.

When i woke up i still went in vc tho. Friend and i body doubled eachother to draw. Im making very slow progress on my Astra ref, reasen it takes so long is bc i need to design so much. And Astra is a very importand character to me so i dont wanna half ass it... Kinda ironic bc Astra was made in a period of time i was doing mentally not so great. Anyway heres a lil wip, deciding to not line it. Also this is the best ever wings ive ever drawn, i will never b able to replicate it. Im happy they belong to Astra.

I also messely colored it bc i started too doubt stuff. Glad to confirm its how i imagined them. Only thing i din wanna give them paper white skin bc... oogly... AND idk wtf the inside of a lahore pigeons wing looks like?? Stuff will still change, mainly stuck on tattoos and clothes rn... I want pretty c lothe but... i no want draw cloht... 

Also lmao just remembered
Imagine scaryst guy in town, ppl shiver at the mention of their name... and its just some gnc twink.

I hope it storms again soon, i used to be scared of thunder but i found it oddly calming.
Anyway is noon i should head to bed to avoid the coming heat 

sick or allergy

Hmmm i tgink allergy bc this the seasen of pollen. But my back/shoulder is hurting. Shes scares it might b a lung infection... i dont think that. I woke up sone days ago w my shoulder hurting when i do surtain movement. However it also hurts when i breath in a lil too deep or when i sneeze. I do think i slept laying wrong. Im hyper flexible n to get in a comfy position i tend to bend my body in strange ways. The pain already lessened much. 

I bought a new backpack. Been looking for a hot while. Was first intending to get a light blue one but then i remembered its likly gon get dirty. So i ended up w a darked turquoise... i recieved it n its a bit darker then expected sigh. Still like it tho. Its not a regular backpack, its meant for traveling. So it has like 1 main pocket thats majority of tge backpack. It has elastic inside like a suitcase n u can open it up compleatly. And then it has a bunch of hiden pockets. I felt lije this better suited my wants/needs then my old backpack (wich is like 6 years by now damn) also just rly wanna step away from black unless its smtg i rly like. Cougg i used to only get black items so i wouldnt b noticed. Bc it felt the safest. N then i realised thas a horrible way to live so i started buying colordul stuff bc it makes me happy. Also wanna sew a bunch of my patches onto it.

Rebloging Project Hail Mary content like my life depends on it. I also see and reblog some blodymary stuff (Iron Lung X Project Hail Mary) I dont rly ship it romanticly (neither do i mind the ship). In my mind Grace is aroace. But i like blodymary for Simons potential. Also Grace and Simon queer platonic partners? hmmm- yes. 

 

I found Marginalia-search and been exploring on there. Its a search engine but the goal is just exploring if that makes sense. I love those kinda things. Found a blog thats been reviewing difrent kinds of dolls since 2012 and has a post as recent as april this year. When looking trough it i found some doll lines i completely forgotten about. 

 

Goodlord, i wanted to pick up the shirt i ordered but its raining pretty hard.

 

I revamped my blog! Its now fish yippee

 

Bruh i liked 1 (one) death note post n now my whole tumblr is full of it

 

Recently i changed up my Toyhouse profile, i rly like how its looking :3 I should get back to coding my site. But my brain is occupied with "must draw" Bc i at least want to have a reference for Astra before Artfight starts this year. This is what i got so far. Wont be bothering with lineart.

Project Hail Mary... i wish to watch thee...

When i woke up i was rly upset bc "school is gonna start again soon i really dont wanna go..." (i specificly had middle school in mind). Then realization hit me... ive graduated highschool almost 6 years ago... hhhh. 

Been seeing so much Project Hail Mary online. It gen seems liie a rly nice movie. I wanna watch it so bad whaaaahhh. Maybe ill see if some friends would wanna go w me. Just a bit hhh bc this month will b busy already (saterday going out to drink smth w friends, endo, visit my evil ex-dog (said lovingly), celebrate bday, forced to go to some kinda info sesh (day after bday party aaaaa) and at the end of month im going to germany for a few days (for Dokomi). 

Hmmm i could watch after endo appointment bc thats at 10am n movie is 13.45 hmmm... hmmm... i asked friends if they could join me n if not i go myself... birthday present to myself... nyess >:3

Many exiting things planned!... im gon b so exhausted lmao. Next month i might feel the reprocausions of my actions but thas an issue for future me

Rn im in bed (for a change of scenery /j) n its getting too hot for comfort for me. Tomorow up to 20°c? Theyre out to kill me ffs. Praying to everything that Dokomi will b bearable heat wise... rly stupid bit exited to go grocery shopping in germany bc cheaper and bc products u cant get here. + were w 2 cars wich incl my patner who will drop me off at home so i can get a decent amointnof groceries... i should bring one of those shopping crates so easy transport... yessss... muehehehe...

Wrote on character blog again. Just know im thinking ab Ilya... i imagine like lil white bnuy surounded by gore but she is eating like a dandylion. The horrors persist but she choses to be kind despite everything... 

Ft Ilya pretending to b Markiplier

jooj

Eye update: stable, i got nose spray to clear up all mucus and that seems to work.

Friends came over on saturday n we labeled stuff together. I was rly uncomfortable due to pain and being too hot so i had as hard time focusing and didnt end up finishing.
After they left i chilled and then went into vc with other friends. Been watching Jojos bizare adventure with a friend... but only when were both in vc. Days im not they continue watching but then just fill me in after. I ask them alot of questions and they always try to answer or look it up. I partially do this bc this is how i show affection (attempting to engage in friends interest so they can talk about it without feeling self-conscious bc theyre "just answering my question"). But ive come to like it too, just casually tho. But especially fanart.

I wanna finish my display stuff before the weekend ends but i dont think that will be possible sadly :^(

So the plastic boxes i bought that where too big got canceled? And ive been refunded. Welp. But they also canceled the nailpolish rack >:^( 

Is now tuesday morning, orderd bussines cards. Not best work, nor worst. Orderd 500 of em 

For some reasen i smelled lasagna... now im hungry... hm. 

Started rewatching s1 of live action one piece. Well i have it on my 2nd monitor while working on stuff.

Mainly need to finish price tags, decorations n some signs. Told gran n she already offered help (w like stamping paper bags, putting cards in bags ect) so thas nice :^)

Gran woke me up w chicken burger, chicken sate and cheeseballs. I inhalled those (yom) and now ready to pass tf out again. But ngl for a second i thought "waw life isnt all that bad" LMAO

Oh i had.. idea for new character, i supose kinda Frankensteins monster. Theyre called Mac. But unlike Vicktor their creator is obsessed w them? Macs creator is a "famous" surgeon (its in Laewyn, in Taublivoras lower parts) who with the guise of helping those in need preys on the poor and disabled. Basicly she performs surgery for verry cheap or even free but with horrible conditions. She performs these surgeries under a live audience 
I passed tf out after this LMAO, its now 2pm on wednesday and i dont feel like talking further ab this atm (i think in my half asleep state i just had more confidence to talk ab it?)

Today wimdy af holy hell, also cold. Had to put my long pants on lmao. 

Rly wanna work more on my neocities site but i NEED to finish my stuff for artist alley first hhh. Also just realized theres only 2 and a half weeks left, shitting my pantalones rn! 
Tomodachi lifes demo came out today and will be playing that together with a friend in the evening (as in we both play our respective games, while in vc). So im charging my switch n downloading that. Will be working on AA stuff till friend is online, should give me ample time to work and then get reward with playing demo

Finished some stuff yippaay. But i had to share that i discovered the existence of a Mudi. A hungarian dog breed. Their appearance seem to resemble that of a border collie but with a curly coat (obv much difr but just explaining to ppl who dont know). It seems that one of their natural colors can be merle wich is cool. Fyi to those unaware; from tha googl "Merle is a genetic pattern in a dog's coat and alleles of the PMEL gene. It results in different colors and patterns and can affect any coats". Wich in and of itself is a neutral thing. However those insane dog breeders always love to make some bullshit. Wich leads to french bulldogs with a long merle coat... Since this is not a normal (aka breed standard) coat color you can only achieve this by sheer "luck" or incest. Ofc ppl know the problems that come with that (well more so i hope) but the merle coat can also affect the skin of the dog where the lighter parts can get sunburned ect. BUT OFC PPL WHO BUY THOSE WEIRD ASS BREEDS DONT KNOW SO THEY JUST GET AN INBRED ANIMAL WITH A SKIN CONDITION.... AND DONT GET ME STARTED ON DOODLES THOSE ARE MUTS!!! YOU CAN ONLY GET THEM BY COMBINING 2 DOGS!!! THAS A MUT!!! JUST GET A FUKCING POODLE!!!... NO NVM DONT GET A POODLE, NONE OF THEM KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF THEIR COATS!!!... ok i need to calm tf down. But just know im exploding all those ppl with my mind. Anyway heres a picture of the Mudi, i love them alot. 

MY EYESSSS AAAAAAAAAA PLS TAKE EM OUT AAAAAAAA

2 friends of mine wrote a story based on the DND campaign we played, im currently listening to it with text to speech bc 1 i need to do stuff and 2 i... reading... ough. 
Anyway wanted to draw and i??? my fuckiong??? tablet??? I have 2 screens and i set it so my drawing tablet only functions on my main one. And i notice when trying to draw it was off? like my pen wasnt where it was supposed to be? and i check and i can use my pen on my second screen?? Sure enough when i look in the settings theyre wrong!! but all my shortcuts are correct?? im so confused

Eyes update, i wanna rip them out! I wanted to go to doctor again but theres a public transport strike. What if i just jump outa my window hmm. Pls all i want is to not have snotty eyes, is that so much to ask?

I woke up around 1am and stayed in bed till 6am, i was hoping to sleep more but whatever. Ill likely get tired earlier which ill need bc tomorrow friends will come over. Were going to label our merch together.

Rn im putting all my resources into one big google sheets thing. I can share it with difrent people then, keep it better organized and updated. Autism brain go crazy: "yippee i make a list yippeee"
Its up n running! at the top "WebDev Resources" obv still need to add more but i did put all my templates on it. When i finished doing that i know ive seen more templ;ates around... so def will keep my eyes (augh) open for that

When in bed i was looking trough the notes on my phone, I found some world building notes and a few rough drafts i wrote for Ilyas story (character of mine). I read it and most still lines up so thas cool. Theyre from 2021 tho. I think ill put them on my characters blog, its old but its something. Ive only shared bits n bops with 2 friends... well my best friend and my partner... Id love for more of my friends to know my characters but... im scared lmao. 
My stories delve into some... uh... uncomfortable topics... some characters are morally questionable at best. And i know alot of my friends dont share my fascination for gore and grotesque things. Ill just have to tag stuff/add warnings i guess. But anxiety is like "u wrote smtg bad/weird, now they will think youre just like that character/condone the bad things". AND ALSO "the writers barely disguised fetish" IM MORTIFIED!! I DONT!!! NEED THEM TO KNOW THINGS THAT I DONT REALIZE MYSELF!!! Well and also ofc the "oh god im not good at writing stories, people will think im stupid" wich i mean, ill just have to get over (i used to have that about my art and thats now ok...)

Its now 18.05 im going feral, im gonna bite somebody
i resurrected my laptop and will b using that tomorrow for labeling. The colors of the screen r so dull compared to my monitors... also... so small... toiny
Imma skip food (will eat it when i wake up) and head to bed. Im just so frustrated and uncomfortable. Gran msgd DR, he hasnt replied yet (its friday so alot of ppl will b at his office) but i should get a nise spray prescribed n hopefully get it tomorrow. 

Just one last thing, i sketched this lil doodle n imdietly got ideas for a new character. Theyre Called Eos, God of fortune and luck. Theyre often seen with Helion, god of the sun (warmth, power, life, yada, yada). I like to think that the thing between their antlers was a gift from Helion :3

 

Ok imma knock myself tf out b4 i crawl my eyes out...

...cough scroll my tumbly, eat a cookie and then fall asleep lmao

MLP AU and playing with my silly guys

I think im sick, i always mistake it for allergies. The difference however is that if its allergies it goes away after i take my allergy pills...
Not the case thus, my left eye is closed yet again. Its ofc not great to only have one eye open but its much more comfortable then going absolutely insane by my eye itching, tearing/gunking up and irritating the hell outta me. I got out of bed just before midnight and ordered pizza (bless my local pizza place to deliver till 2am). I order a buncha stuff so i have food for 2 days 

Been updating blog, have added a bunch of artists i like... wich made me get distracted lmao
Ended up reading all of Everfree Infection AU by Mrsgendered, Really liked it! I remember when mlp infection AUs where everywhere and started following him. I wasent aware it had finished! Apparently they also started a "what comes after", but knowing me ill forget ab it till like a few months later and then read up on it all in one go lmao. Must say, i read the whole thing trough pdfs i got from his ko-fi, really cool comics. But its much cooler on their instagram since theres some with lil animation and sound (really ads to the spookiness)

I also watched Jacksepticeye play Reanimal, The game was rly cool but i didnt understand the story at first. Had to read alot of comments to understand but i do like it! Spoiler incase theres somebody whop wanna play or watch it: The overall vibe was so spooky, but then the first enemy (rly tall lanky dude) sudenly comes biking up to you with a TINY tricycle, the player runs and its gone and like??? Thats so fucking funny LMAO?? Theres no other bit in the game that matches the goofyness?? idk why the game developers added that

Whole time while adding artists i was just thinking aboiut new characters... Neither have names, n well one of them isnt actuually new... Just never got worked out, but thas changing 
Artistic rendition of whats going on

 

uuuh WUHHH aAAHJ
im too nervous to share things about them.
Some things i can share... Left one is they/them, I might call them Opal. They got multiple useless wings and feathers all over their body. Theyre NOT a tiefling!!  The right one is he/him however hes a girl. Hes likely some kinda half elf (for ages ive been tryna make him and ive struggled bc i dont wanna make him pale ass human skin tone but it would actyually work best for him design wise aaaaa). I imagine he has like rly dark armor, lowkey inspired by Revolutionary Girl Utena (never watched it but ive seen it around alot). Ive temporarily named him Dante until i find a better name
I made both of them in this Picrew (obv not 100% accurate but close enough)

 ok i got too nervous, thas all about them